Build a firm foundation for your house of love
You probably remember the story in the bible where the foolish man builds his house on the sand and… [more]
Are you missing the “co” in cooperation?
Tell me, what does cooperation mean to you? It's a word I hear often from parents and it appears to… [more]
When one child is “mean” to another: healing both
When your child comes home in tears because someone was “mean” to them at school, the first line… [more]
Beginner’s Mind
What is it about a new year that seems to propel us out of our complacency and get us excited, inspired… [more]
Parenting Coaching
What is Parenting Coaching?
Parenting coaching, first and foremost, is a relationship. … [Read More...]
ACPI Certified Parenting Coaching
How An ACPI Certified Coach Helps You!
A parent coach is a trained and certified professional … [Read More...]
Recent Posts
Build a firm foundation for your house of love
You probably remember the story in the bible where the foolish man builds his house on the sand and when the storms come and the rivers rise, the house is washed away. The wise man builds his house on solid rock and when the storms come, the house stands firm and unshakable. When we are building our "house of love," which is the environment we create to house our children's spirits, we would do well to consider whether we are building the foundation on shifting sand or solid rock. Our relationship with our child is the foundation upon which all else depends. If the parent-child bond is strong and secure, then the foundation will be sturdy and we will be able to weather the many storms that come our way. If the relationship is weak and the parent-child bond is eroded, then we … [Read More...]
Are you missing the “co” in cooperation?
Tell me, what does cooperation mean to you? It's a word I hear often from parents and it appears to be a very important quality that we desire from our children. Picture for a moment the many needs met when you have cooperation at home: needs met might include ease, support, calm, peace, flow...to name a few. No wonder we value cooperation so highly! So wouldn't it be nice to get more of it? I'm going to share with you ways to increase cooperation in family life. But first, let's look at what we actually mean when we use the term. "Cooperate" comes from the Latin roots "co" meaning "together" and "operari" meaning "to work," so cooperate means "to work together." But if we are honest with ourselves, we may find that what we mean when we say, "I just wish my kid would … [Read More...]
When one child is “mean” to another: healing both
When your child comes home in tears because someone was “mean” to them at school, the first line of defense is to listen to their outpouring of feelings and allow them to feel them….fully. This is quite hard to do. It’s heartbreaking for us as parents to be with our child’s painful feelings. We just want to fix it for them, smooth it over and make sure that it never happens again. But if we can just be with our child and let the tears fall (without trying to fix it), this is great medicine in and of itself. Having someone to listen to them in this way, feeling fully heard and understood, will help your child develop inner strength and resiliency. This simple, but healing, act of listening will help instill in them that they can weather life’s storms and come out okay. Once … [Read More...]
Beginner’s Mind
What is it about a new year that seems to propel us out of our complacency and get us excited, inspired and motivated to make changes so that we are living our best lives? Even though I have come to use the start of a new year to review and and make adjustments to my intentions of how I want to live and show up in the world, I more deeply realize that the real power lies in when I can do this every day, even...every moment. There is a Buddhist term, "shoshin", which mean's "beginner's mind." It refers to a mindset in which we encounter situations with a fresh perspective, like a beginner encountering the situation for the first time. In "beginner's mind," we drop our preconceived notions, ideas and opinions and embody an attitude of not knowing, of curiosity, of openness and eagerness. This … [Read More...]
What I would ask Nancy Lanza
Even as the New Year dawns and I’m teased with new beginnings and bright possibilities, I’m also still mourning how the Old Year concluded with the terrible tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School. I find that I keep vacillating between tears and numbness; I can only hold so much sorrow and despair before I have to shut down for a while and not feel. Then slowly, the sadness and grief return. What has touched me most in this ordeal is reading about Adam's mom, Nancy, and how it appears she was so isolated while dealing with her son’s increasingly extreme social withdrawal. Aside from a few conversations with casual friends, it appears that she faced her uncertainties, worries, and hard choices alone. Her acquaintances are quick to describe her as happy and cheerful, but I imagine … [Read More...]
How to help our children understand their feelings
What is your reaction when your two-year-old throws herself on the floor kicking and screaming in the store aisle because she wants that new toy? Or how about when your two children are fighting over whose turn it is to send the hotwheel cars down the track? Often, we are so caught up in the undesirable behavior that we just want to do whatever it takes to make it stop. We may try to stifle our children's feelings because they are too intense, too much, too embarrassing. Big scary feelings can be hard to invite in. And if it's hard for us as parents, imagine what it's like for our kids. Often they have no understanding of the emotion (energy in motion) coursing through their bodies. Who has ever asked them, "What's going on for you? Help me to understand?" What … [Read More...]
Do your kids have to fight for power?
The shift to a power-sharing parenting paradigm can be mind-boggling and a lot of inside resistance can come up. it usually goes like this, "If I open that can of worms, if I let my child have some power in making decisions that affect him, then all hell will break loose and I'll never get back any control." So you start white-knuckling it, trying to keep control at all costs. And, eventually, it does come at a cost. They don't stay young and pliable forever. And that's if you're lucky enough to start out with a compliant child. I didn't start with a compliant child so my learning came early and quick! Within the first year I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that control was just an illusion. Once I loosened my grip on that illusion, things started to shift for the better. There … [Read More...]
Who’s your momma? Is it Dr. Spock?
It's 2 am in the morning and you've finally gotten the baby back to sleep after more than an hour of nursing, rocking, walking, and trying various baby holding positions. Or... it's 2 am in the morning and your teenage son, who was supposed to be home by midnight, is just now sauntering through the door. As badly as you just want to crawl back in bed, you also know you can't go through another night like this one. So you tiptoe downstairs to the computer, type in "Amazon" and "parenting books" and voila! 105,924 books on parenting show up. Each one promising the solution to your problem. So you order a dozen or so and hit "overnight shipping!" The problem is, even if you somehow find the time to read the books, you will start to notice a curious thing--they contradict … [Read More...]
When the unthinkable happens
Early Saturday morning, my older teenage son climbed in bed with me and my husband. He spread his long body between us and announced, "I've made breakfast for you." "Yeah, right," I said. He hasn't done that since he was 7 or 8 and used to bring me breakfast in bed on Mother's Day--strawberries, oreo cookies, and milk. "I'm not kidding," he said. "I made eggs and french toast sticks." "What's up?," I asked, mystified. "Something tragic happened last night and I've been thinking," he said. He had my full attention now. He had been hanging out with some friends the night before at one of their homes. Did they do something stupid? Did someone get hurt? "What happened?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know. His lower lip started quivering as he said, … [Read More...]
What to do when your child says “no!”
I don't believe there is a parent on the planet who hasn't heard the word "no" coming from their child's lips. It seems that almost as soon as they learn to speak, this word becomes a mainstay for kids. Particularly during those early years, when they are discovering they have their own preferences and testing the limits with how far they can go in making their own choices. Often, our impulse is to get them to change their minds. We try to get them to say yes to our requests through convincing, cajoling, or coercing. We persuade, we try to reason and when all else fails, we either use power over them or we give up, we submit. Power struggles are very common when our child says "no!" What if there was a better way to respond when you hear a "no"? A response that … [Read More...]
I Will Make Time Because You Matter To Me
During my parenting classes I hand out slips of paper to each parent for them to fill in. On the piece of paper it reads: "Dear _____, I want to support you in building healthy self-worth. For you are loveable and you are valuable. One thing I will do every day this week to spend quality engaging time with you is: ________________. I will make time for this because you matter to me." This is an attempt to get the parents to think concretely about things they can do with their children to build connection and nurture the relationship. It's easy enough to think, "Oh, I will pay more attention to my children this week." But--unless you can concretely visualize doing that in your mind and you set a strong intention--daily living, responsibilities and distractions tend to … [Read More...]
