I Will Make Time Because You Matter To Me
During my parenting classes I hand out slips of paper to each parent for them to fill in. On the… [more]
Where Do I Place My Attention?
I had a unique experience today which I believe will serve me well in my journey to become a more conscious… [more]
Keeping the Focus on Relationship
Next week my kids go off to school and as always, the bittersweet nostalgia sets in. I so enjoy the… [more]
Today I’m the Host of Day 13 of the Virtual Tour for our Ebook
Parenting Responsively for Connection Day 13 –Understanding Your Child's Behavior Today's excerpt… [more]
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Parenting coaching, first and foremost, is a relationship. … [Read More...]
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I Will Make Time Because You Matter To Me
During my parenting classes I hand out slips of paper to each parent for them to fill in. On the piece of paper it reads: "Dear _____, I want to support you in building healthy self-worth. For you are loveable and you are valuable. One thing I will do every day this week to spend quality engaging time with you is: ________________. I will make time for this because you matter to me." This is an attempt to get the parents to think concretely about things they can do with their children to build connection and nurture the relationship. It's easy enough to think, "Oh, I will pay more attention to my children this week." But--unless you can concretely visualize doing that in your mind and you set a strong intention--daily living, responsibilities and distractions tend to get in the way. I encourage parents to fill in the slips of paper (one for each child) and put them on the refrigerator or the bathroom mirror or somewhere where they are daily reminded of their intention to connect and nurture. One mom reported at the next meeting that initially she was a little confused when I gave her one for her new baby. She had no trouble envisioning activities she could do with her 4 year old (like reading a book together, creating dinner together, going to the park with their bikes) but what can I do with a baby? she wondered. After some thought, she decided to give it try. She wrote "Dear Samuel, I want to support you in building healthy self-worth. … [Read More...]
Where Do I Place My Attention?
I had a unique experience today which I believe will serve me well in my journey to become a more conscious parent. Actually, I imagine it will help me in ALL my relationships, even the one with myself. I was looking back over some notes I took at a workshop where the presenter talked about how our entire perspective can shift based on where we choose to place our attention. You know the drill, do we see the glass as half full or half empty? Depends on where we place our attention, right? Well I decided to do my own experiment as I was sitting in my easy chair in the living room reading through my notes. I looked around the room and placed my attention on everything I could see that was "wrong" with the room. All the things that I didn't like about it. And here's what I noticed: This room is too cluttered. Look at all the stuff on those shelves! Look at all the shoes piled in the corner; there must be 36 pairs of shoes in there! The glass doors to the sunroom are hand smudged; I can see fingerprints from here. And there's a hole in the sunroom window screen. There's the baskets I bought just sitting on the floor. I've never taken the time to rearrange the shelves and put them on there. There's the space on the shelf where the TV used to be; and there's a hole in the wall where the back of the TV went and it's patched with posterboard. Jeez! The couch slipcover is falling off. I've never gotten around to getting new curtains and … [Read More...]
Keeping the Focus on Relationship
Next week my kids go off to school and as always, the bittersweet nostalgia sets in. I so enjoy the summer months and spending more time with my kids. I so look forward to school starting again so I can regain some focus on work, some peace and quiet, and some “normalcy” to our days and schedules. This year my older son goes to high school and I am humbled by my relative lack of influence on his life. Gone are the days when I could share my values with him while he sat intently listening, asking questions, and formulating his own ideas and opinions—which pretty much mimicked my own. Now I worry that our values seem so far apart. Our priorities so different. Our attempts at resolving conflicts messy and requiring lots of effort and self-empathy. At 14, he is just entering those murky waters of the teen years. Already we’ve wrestled with some big issues that could easily shake even a sturdy foundation. I’m often gripped by fear when I observe behavior I label “risky,” “dangerous,” “self-destructive.” I constantly walk a fine line between honoring his needs for autonomy, expression, and freedom and my needs for trust, safety and his wellbeing. I seem to constantly be in the mode of relationship repair. Conscious parenting is not for the faint-hearted. And still there is comfort in knowing that we can repair the relationship when the connection breaks. We do know a way back and have found it many times. I’ve worked with … [Read More...]
Today I’m the Host of Day 13 of the Virtual Tour for our Ebook
Parenting Responsively for Connection Day 13 –Understanding Your Child's Behavior Today's excerpt is from my chapter "Nurturing Connection Through Setting Your Intentions" and the excerpt is about "Understanding Your Child's Behavior". Enjoy! and please pass along via facebook share if you find it useful. Today I have the great pleasure of being the host on Day 13 of the Virtual Book Tour for the E-Book Parenting Responsively for Connection. Written by ACPI Parenting Coaches for parents to deal with the most difficult task of maintaining connection with the growing child whose behavior changes and shifts. Yesterday, the book tour stopped by Dr. Caron Good's blog at http://HeartwiseParent.com/blog. Visit now if you haven’t had the opportunity to meet all the authors. And be sure to follow the Virtual Book Tour tomorrow when the next stop is the blog www.classantics.com with blogger Corey Green, M.Ed. As usual, please share your comments and thoughts below. I love reading your feedback. We appreciate the retweets and sharing on FB to spread the word. Understanding Your Child’s Behavior ©2011 by Sherri Boles-Rogers I often hear parents say things like “He always throws a temper tantrum just to get my attention,” or “She’s just trying to manipulate me.” I know that it often feels that way, but I believe that when our children behave in less than desirable ways, there's something deeper going on. The more … [Read More...]
New Parenting ebook coming out
Yippeee! I just finished writing my chapter for the forthcoming ebook anthologized by Academy for Coaching Parents International. It took way longer than I had expected and I hope this writing thing gets easier and quicker as I do more and more of it. I'd like to share an excerpt with you and would love to hear your thoughts. What is the foundation for your relationship with your child(ren)? Nurturing Connecting Through Setting Your Intentions excerpt: When it comes to building a strong connection, there are no shortcuts. Connection is the foundation of your relationship. It requires awareness, intention, practice, and commitment—and all of this rests with you. Connection doesn’t require your child to behave a certain way and it doesn’t require you to be a perfect parent. It does, however, require you to be aware of how you habitually react to your child's behavior and to have an understanding of how to effectively respond. When you're experiencing turbulence in your relationship or you’re feeling disconnected, notice what’s going on inside of you: Are you trying to understand what is going on for your child? Are you offering compassion? Is your motive to correct, coerce, or punish? Understanding and compassion lead to connection. Correction, coercion and punishment can lead to disconnection and discord. Through coercive tactics you … [Read More...]
Welcome To My ParentingHeart Blog!
I'm excited to share with you my new blogsite on parenting. My intention is to provide a forum where we can explore together and support each other in our parenting adventures. I've been a parent educator/workshop facilitator since 2005 and in March, 2011 was certified as a parenting coach. I hope you find the blogs useful, helpful and inspiring and I look forward to hearing from you. From my parentingheart to yours, Sherri … [Read More...]
