Do you have a “NO” default?

mom thumbs downOne of the best pieces of advice I received when my kids were very young, was to be aware of how many times I said “no” and consider if I could say “yes” instead. This is actually sound advice given that the average child in America hears “no” 80 times for every 1 “yes.” Can you imagine if the bigger, more powerful people at your workplace or in your life said “no” to your requests and your actions that much in a day?! Would you be able to thrive in that environment?

When I became conscious of my extreme overuse of the word “no” I did an about face and became very good at opening up to “yes” instead. I believe it made a tremendous impact on my relationship with my children. Not only because my kids developed a deep sense that they mattered; but also because I felt better as a mom when I went through my days saying more of “yes, of course” to their requests…that is, unless I had a good reason to say “no.”

I don’t think we intentionally seek to thwart our kids’ wishes and wants, but somehow “no” becomes our default answer.

No you can’t go out and play; it’s wet. No, don’t touch that! No, you can’t bring that bug in the house. No we can’t go to the park right now. No you can’t have a cookie before dinner. No it’s not a good time to have your friend over.

What if we became aware of this “no” default and instead considered and weighed each request on its own merit? Could we change some of those no’s into heartfelt yes’s?

Yes, what a great idea! Let’s go outside with our boots and splash in puddles. Yes, you can pick an item from my basket to play with, but that item is fragile and might break; here do you want to play with this cool thingie instead? Yes, let me get a jar and you can show that bug to your friend when she comes over.

Could we invite in more positive “yes” energy, even if we felt the need to attach conditions to it?

Yes, of course we can go to the park–right after we finish cleaning up the toys. Yes, of course you can have a cookie–just as soon as we eat our yummy dinner. Yes, of course you can have a friend over–after homework is done.

Imagine the energy shift in your home…from negative to positive…if you shift to a new default of “yes, of course…”  Not that you won’t ever say “no,” but you just become more discerning and purposeful with it.

Instead of defaulting to “no” unless you have a reason to say “yes,” switch to defaulting to “yes” unless you have a reason to say “no.”

You and your kids will feel more expansive, connected, and alive…because “no” shuts us down and “yes” opens us up.

♥♥♥ LOVE IN ACTION ♥♥♥

Want to give it a try and shift the energy in your home from negative to positive?  Start with these simple steps:

  1. Become aware of how often you say “no” to your child.  Keep a count in your head and record it in a journal every night before you go to bed. As your awareness increases, does the number decrease?
  2. Set the intention every morning to say “yes” to your child at least 5 times during the day.
  3. Think of one thing this week that you’ve been putting off for yourself.  Perhaps you’ve told yourself you don’t have the money, or the time, or the energy.  Say “yes” to one thing for yourself and get the positive energy flowing in you.

“I imagine that yes is the only living thing.” – e. e. cummings